Honestly I felt really happy today. I really wanna thank everyone who came for my birthday deeply, and they really made my day, just by being there.

It seems different. I don't know what, but something is. But i guess it's for the better.=)

What's the most beautiful smiles you have seen that have the actual ability to make you lose all your stress and frustration?

They come from two sources in my opinion. Toddlers/kids are one, the other is harder to notice and see, but it's actually uncommon, often considered unfortunate. But that all the more makes them even more unique and precious. Who might these be? Search and you may find it. Look beyond what can be seen, and feel what can't be felt.

It's been half a year, and I can't believe the time that has passed.

The end of national service is approaching, though still far, but ever approaching with a kind of scary acceleration. There is a sort of mixed feeling about being happy to complete it versus unhappy to complete it.

The apprehension builds as times of uncertainty is imminent unless great planning is done.

However the road's foggy beyond today.
Going for tomorrow might not go your way.
The going may get tough without signs and warning
Only your best, should you consider giving
Should you lose your way in the darkness
Fight your way through, against the heartless
The world is a cruel place
With many, as wastes
Befriend the trustworthy
Discard the unworthy
Find the answers, soaring through the clouds
Indeed I must, for crying out loud

To be frank, uncertainty is subjectively good or bad. It allows your tomorrow to be written, yet it ilicites fear for not knowing if the future would be good for you.

Life still goes on, and the latter never changes. So change what you can control, believing in a "might-as-well" situation.

I sincerely hope as I find the answers going through the days, the one I eventually arrive with, would be the one for me.

Somehow, I still hope one day you'd clear up what really happened. I think of the best case scenario cause I want to respect you, but gut feelings tell me I was a fool, for a rather long while.

We all make mistakes, I look back not to dig out old problems, but to see if there is more room for improvement from back then. Yet, sometimes, you just wanna know the truth.

How often does truth hurt? Almost always, cause we usually expect and hope for the best.

I still have nightmares..and somehow feels uneasy thinking what could have happened and the approach someone has taken to certain things.

Life's somehow stagnated now, feels almost as though I have no life. But I know I'm alive and living, tears come out of me, so does blood. I trust with such assurances I can go on knowing that someday somehow, something will happen. What exactly do I wish for, to happen?

Sometimes losing things, freedom, or even losing your imprisonment, makes you feel lost. It throws you into an empty page of your life's book, and now, you have the apprehension to take up the pen and begin writing your own story. What causes us to ever have the courage to pick up that pen? or would we even ever muster that to do so?

We all seek comfort, but never seek whatever that gives that comfort. If our approach was wrong all along, shouldn't we put down our weapons, stop fighting, reorganise and then decide what to do? All along, we may have just been fighting against ourselves, that's why we never win.

Perhaps, all along, life was a playground, but somehow, somewhere, we forgot how to play like little children.

So, why did we go from relationship to relationship, promising "forever love", and actually forget the previous and then say it to a new one? Isn't it strange if one day an ex comes back and asks you "but didn't you promise me a long time ago? it's weird huh? haha". With such promises in place, how could we move on and find a new one just like that?

So in the end, they were just empty promises? Perhaps the timing of such promises of love should truely be vouched for only in the later stages. Where's the impact of the promise, when it's said over and over, when it's supposed to be done during marriage itself?

So why do we say it? Was it our insecurity, that wanted us to hear it? If so, finding that security by the right means would be much more fruitful and appropriate.

I'd say, perhaps even less than 10% of people in the world has actually felt true love. True love isn't one sided, it is not just needing a person to protect or support you. It should be something, indescribable. I myself have not felt it yet.

Who'd you wanna spend you whole life with? I'm sure that person would have to be really special.. And there are billions of people out there..the right match, is very unlikely nearby you.

I believe I have found the answer to what's bothering me. There are times in life when you do feel that you have already formed a resolve, a route in mind of how you want to form your purpose to certain stuffs. It's almost like a personal promise to yourself on top of whoever you have promised certain stuffs. I.e. A promise to someone and you promise yourself to fulfill it.

And comes the day people leave you for whatever reasons, as it usually does in life. Then you find yourself stuck with a promise, or certain things you wanna fulfill but you can't, and what's worse, there is no point anymore!

Then you look back at things, yet you do not know if you're wishing time would turn back so you can be with them again cause you want to be with them, or cause you just want to go back and fulfill certain stuffs.

Given a second chance to go back in time and fulfill something which has no point, would you do it?

What do we really regret when people leaves? And in the end, is it a pain we choose to dissolve but forgetting?

We're living to remember every yesterday so our tomorrow would be good. So if life is about having memories and then leaving your mark on earth, why forget stuff? We, in the end, I believe, have to learn to see that whatever was bad and happened, was not as bad as we think. In fact, it might even be beautiful.

What do we truely require to make ourselves truely happy? Is it simple laughter with the most innocent friends? Is it always the case that growing up just makes things complicated,or did we just turn out that way cause we don't know how to handle things?

What do we really live for? Ourselves? If so, then living ourselves would only mean that tomorrow if you're dead, no one will be there to remember you. For others? Then what if they take advantage of you?

Do we live, to write a legacy, for achievements, or for the sake of living? Why do we fear death? cause we will not be able to carry out our dreams? or is it an instinct to make us more likely to survive? could this instinct be making us even more dead than we think as we cling onto life?

Or all in all, we all just need to feel that we exist? that would make us feel alive already?..

life truely is amazing, at creating dilemmas. But we all know one day, we have to find that answer, as we have to provide that shelter we comfortably live in today. And to bring that food to the table, the presents to the christmas trees, the wisdom for tomorrow to the young, the faith in life, we're forced to have..

*Daniel Webster*

To advance further musically,vocally
To be able to touch people's hearts through music
A good acoustic guitar
A good lead guitar and amp
Be someone of invisibly huge stature
To be as rich as possible
The means to be able to do whatever I want ;)
To be a person who imparts skills and wisdom to others
To be a giver to the needy

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